2012 - the year of sorrow and hatred.
That's at least how it felt so far. And things don't look bright.
Have you ever felt like there is something or someone who just doesn't want you to be happy? Or have you ever had the feeling you weren't living the real life all this time, yet when bad things hit you like an 18 wheeler, you start to see life as more than shades of gray but mostly black?
I hate myself. I hate myself for how I look, how I feel, who I know, what I do, where I go, what happens to me.
I hate myself for being alive. Why didn't I pay my dues to life longtime ago? Was I too stupid?
Guess so...
Yes, I am alone. And yes, I am in the same miserable state of mind I've been for a year. I gave up on hope long ago.
Now I gave up on wanting to do whatever it takes to be with someone I thought was special. Turns out I was just special. And as the words ripped my heart out and left it beating on the dirty floor, I was left speechless and disgusted.
I don't count as anything for a lot of people. Most don't even know I still exist. So why should I change their minds?
Do me a favor and let me commit suicide. You won't even remember me. And no one truly loves me.
Un comentariu:
La multi ani, in primul rand! Trebuie sa recunosc ca ti-am citit aceasta ultima postare pentru ca vroiam sa postez la randu-mi, dar m-am razgandit citindu-ti postarea. Personal, iti pot spune doar ca imi pare rau pentru situatia in care te gasesti. Stiu. Nu cred ca este prima oara cand cineva iti spune asta, dar ceea ce iti trebuie tie este o motivatie de care sa te agati. Stai prost la capitolul stima de sine, incredre in sine ;i nu mai vorbesc de optimism. Admit ca ultima discutie pe care am avut-o acum un an si jumatate aproape scotea la iveala un alt om. Mai ambitios. Te lasi prea mult influentat de realitate si uneori este bine sa nu o iei in considerare. Poate ca tu ai ceva special, dar nu sti sa valorifici. Iti este frica sa accepti ce este bine pentru tine si te intorci mereu in trecut. Poate ca vei rade cand vei citi aceste randuri, dar din suflet iti spun ca mai bine inchei o relatie cu un om care nu stie sa te iubeasca, decat sa traiesti cu gandul ca persoana iubita este cu tine si este bolnava, poate chiar sa moara. Eu stiu cum este. Gandeste-te bine. Elena S.
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